Twenty Seventeen

Just when I thought I was going to be in remission for awhile…

St. Joseph & Church of the Annunciation- Nazareth, Israel

Three days into our Israel trip, I noticed blood in my stool. I figured it was a mix of things: being nervous prior to our arrival from flying (I have a huge fear of flying and it has gotten worse each travel), my body just adjusting to a new atmosphere, and just being constipated. So, I ignored it and I tried not to let it worry me to much although it was always in the back of my head. I figured if it happens again than I can start to worry. Well, it happened every time I drank coffee, so than I thought it was the dairy products but I feel, dairy products are better overseas than in America where it’s processed, right? I don’t know either way, I tried to just be aware of what I ate in general and no that did not stop me from drinking my coffee, haha. A girl needs her coffee! But, I always have a rule when overseas, I stay away from all fruits and veggies no matter what which I did and that is hard since I love salads and all fruits.

Jerusalem

Anyway, we were in Israel for a week and in a week it happened about 3 times but despite those moments, it was a trip of a lifetime. One that I was so privileged to go on and see all the Holy Christian sites. It was truly such a surreal feeling to walk the steps of Christ and to be in the areas that He was in. The only thing missing was experiencing this all with my dad who always dreamed of going but never had the chance to. As hard as that was, I still enjoyed taking in every detail, smell, sight, sound, and memory of this Holy Land. I would definitely go back as we barely put a dent in the country yet still did so much! After our week in Israel, Mikey, my mom, 2 of our friends and I all went to Egypt where we were meeting up with Mikey’s parents for 2 weeks. Both my parents migrated to America from Egypt and almost every year since I was young, my parents would take my sister and I to visit family and friends, so Egypt in a sense is home even thought I was born in America. Per usual, I was highly anxious about our 40 minute flight to Egypt because of how small the plane was and well I HATE FLYING! So, natural I was running to the bathroom constantly, very paranoid and worried about the flight I could barely think right because of my nerves. We thankfully arrive to Egypt safely, thank God.

Hanging Church, Egypt

Pope Shenouda III Memorial, Egypt

We stayed at a nice hotel that was attached to one of Egypt’s biggest mall, City Stars. This was good and bad for me as a fashion stylist and addict but I didn’t complain. What is also awesome about Egypt in general and the mall is things NEVER closed, Egypt is truly the country that “never sleeps”. The mall, restaurants, lounges, cafes would all be open until the wee-hours. If you’ve never been to Egypt, go! The country despite it’s religious wars in that Christian’s get persecuted on the regular unfortunately and we are only about 10% of the country and that there are terrorist that give this amazing country a bad name, it still has so much love and culture. The Egyptian people as a whole are SO giving, love whole-heartily, would do anything for a stranger, and kind souls. I am truly proud to be an American- Coptic Christian Egyptian. Anyway, we did a lot on our trip, visited family, friends, monasteries, churches, wine and dine, and did a mini vacation at a resort. As mentioned before, we celebrate our Christmas on Jan. 6th and 7th so we also got to do that for the first time. I personally wouldn’t do it again as I love to be home for holidays but it was still a nice experience.

Christmas Eve, Jan.6th- Egypt

Egypt

I still noticed that the blood in my stool was increasing and at this point I was highly getting worried. I didn’t know if I caught a bug or what was happening but I wanted to be home to deal with it right away. I would try to enjoy my trip but anytime I would bleed, I would get down. I just kept telling myself that once I get back, I have a scheduled colonoscopy so that will tell me exactly what is occurring. I got through our trip and we get back home. Once I got home, I had my scheduled Remicade infusion set up and I was never in my life so excited about getting IV’d up as I was. I figured once I get the dose, everything will be back to normal. And it was for like a week but just kept increasingly getting worse. At this point I was becoming angry. Like why again? I just went through all this less then a year. I would cry constantly because I didn’t want to deal with this all over again. To go back to the basics and deal with the pain was honestly hell on earth for me. I get the scope done and once again I was given bad news, my UC has gotten worse in that it has spread more within my colon and that I will have to up my dose of Remicade or start a new IV medication called Entyvio. My local GI doctor sent me to NYU to get a 2nd opinion as they deal with chronic patients as myself. So, I got an appointment and met with Dr. Hudesman. Weeks prior, I prayed so much to God to show me what is best because at this point I was beyond confused. I developed antibodies with Remicade (which is why they wanted to up my dose) but at the same time I was accepted into the financial saving program for Remicade so to me that was a sign that this medication should work. But, boy did I learn otherwise.

With friends from home- City Star Mall, Egypt

So, I meet with the GI specialist in NYU and he basically tells me my 2 options: 1. Upping my Remicade dose or 2. Starting Entyvio. He wanted to first try upping the dose as he thought that would work since I responded to the medication well for less than a year. However, both options were good. Obviously, that made me more confused and during that visit I asked him about surgery since so many people around me kept bringing it up as I did not want to have it or even think it was an option but he said, I don’t need it, especially since I want to start a family one day. I didn’t care to ask more about that as all I wanted to hear was what I wanted to hear which was, “No”. But there was a big problem that was failed to be told to me, upping my dose wasn’t really a possible option since insurance doesn’t cover chronic UC patients. They only cover patients who have crohns. SO, the out patient clinic was going back and forth with insurance and time was not on my side as my symptoms were getting worse and each day was getting harder. So naturally, I was getting inpatient and frustrated with everyone trying to help not that it was their fault. So after about a month, I decided that I will take things into my own hands and just start the new medication. I felt once again hopeful because my cousin who has crohns is on it and I also was getting great feedback from others about this drug and lastly, I got accepted into the finical program easily and quickly.

Monks, Egypt

I started my first infusion March 17, 2017. The best part about this drug was it was only 40 minutes in total as opposed to 2 hours and a half. Also, the side effects were very minimal so I felt overall very positive about this drug. I was told this medication takes about 3 months to kick in so patience was key. By April, I started to feel amazing! So I was so hopeful and excited. And than I got excited too quick, it stopped working as I developed antibodies AGAIN. I than did another scope 6 months later from my January one and my local GI doctor said we will start Humira since it was in the same category as Remicade and since I responded well to Remicade. So, once again I said ok lets try this new drug that I would have to inject my self every 2 weeks. It wasn’t working so I had to up my dose weekly with 2 pens and still I developed antibodies. And that’s when surgery was my only option.

Just love this picture–Israel

As you can imagine, it was not easy for me or my loved ones to go through these 2 years of extreme ups and downs. It wasn’t easy being denied medication after medication. It was hard to accept that my body was failing on me at such a young age. I was upset with God, I didn’t know how to accept my situation. I just wanted to be “normal”. I didn’t want to have to deal with health issues as it brought me memories of my dad. Granted he had SO much more health issues than I, but I just would freak out and allow my mind to race ahead of me with so much negative thoughts. I didn’t and sometimes do not understand Gods will but I know even in my lowest days, He has the best plan for me and I get to taste that and be reminded of it daily. Everything does happen for a reason wether I understand it or not. Wether I accept it or not. But, God is good and He knows more than anyone what I can handle.

As I always say, He has made me, beautiful inside and out. So, I need to learn to trust him more. October 3, 2017, was my first surgery…TBC

xoxo

 

TwentySixteen

The year I didn’t see coming…

As mentioned before, I was blessed to be in remission for 5 years. In those 5 years, I had many precious moments: I was able to stand by my sissy’s side during her wedding day, I ran after my dreams and moved to LA to get my fashion degree, got engaged, got married, enjoyed my honeymoon, traveled, celebrated holidays, birthdays, and other events, and just enjoyed life. During this time I was on my weight loss journey that I started once I moved to LA. I lost weight, enjoyed working out, and being the healthiest I’ve ever been in awhile as I always struggled with being over wight from the age of 12-17 and overall yo-yo dieting. So, I made a promise to myself once I move, I was determined to be a healthier me and I did it and kept it off ever since (granted I would fluctuate but who doesn’t?) Point is, I was in control of my life and loved it.

2014-2015, was a huge adjustment as it was my first year of marriage and I was also dealing with personal matters but again was happy my UC was under control. I rang in the New Year as I always did, with my loved ones in church. I personally am not a “new years resolution” type of gal. I don’t believe in them and NYE in general isn’t my favorite. I look at it as I should just be constantly thankful and blessed daily for a new day rather then a year and if I want to make goals, I don’t need a new year to define that for me as I can do them anytime of the year. Anywho, it was early-January and Mikey and I were heading to our friends Christmas party (to my non-Orthodox Christians, we celebrate our Christmas Jan. 6 & 7 so to have a party after those dates isn’t late or odd). As mentioned before, Mikey always knew I had UC but never formerly met the sucker. So, as I was getting ready, I remember feeling “off” and not myself. I ran to the bathroom and that pain that I never wanted to experience again, slightly came back. I was nauseous, sweating, in pain, and had slight bloody stool. I remember Mikey was like a lost-child, he had no idea what to do or say as this was all so new to him. All he could do which he did was be patient until I got through my “episode” as I would call them. Thankfully, it didn’t last long but I was exhausted from the pushing and pain I was in. Not to side track, but I always get the question: “what does the pain feel like?” this question is SO hard to answer because it’s one of those things you just have to experience to understand. From an outsider in it seems like a stomach ache side effects and let me tell you that its FAR from that–I wish it was that. My doctor would always say, when I get pregnant, I would take it like a champ as the pain I endured is worse, so to the ones who have experienced labor pain that’s your answer, I personally have never, at least not yet.  

The day my UC returned, my instagram was a fashion account when I first started.

We head to the party, and I try to enjoy it as much as I can. Days go by and I started a new job and thankfully my symptoms didn’t come back. I thought it was a little hiccup in my UC life and that all is well now. I did e-mail my doctor when the above happened and he said to just monitor it. Well, the following week, my symptoms were gradually coming back and I was quickly worrying (per usual). I kept e-mailing my doctor and we planned to do a scope. But, before my scope I was just facing the “evil” side of my UC and as a result it was slowing my whole life down. So, I had to have “the talk” with my bosses about my UC and how if I’m running to the bathroom or in the bathroom for a long time its because of my disease. Naturally and not surprisingly, they never heard of UC or understood the severity of it. But, they were very understanding and willing to work with me in anyway possible which to me was all I could ask for, thank God.

The caption for the image above.

As each day went by my life just felt out of control and Mikey was seeing more and more of what this chronic disease was all about. I was in disbelief that I was refacing this disease dark side again. There is nothing in the world that can prepare you. I literally would take each day as it came. From eating anything and everything I wanted, I had to go back to basics (white plain carbs, lean plain protein, Ensure, no dairy but eggs). Working out was a challenge as I was losing weight and would need the bathroom constantly. Going to work or even out was legit a process as I would never know if or how I would make it out the door. I always needed to know where the closest bathroom was and if I couldn’t find one or if it was occupied, boy was that hell for me! I remember a specific Friday after work, I came home, ate dinner, had wine and within seconds ran to the the bathroom and bled with serve pain for at least 2 hours. That same weekend, everything was just escalating to the next level. I would cry daily from pain and frustration. I would beg God to help me daily, I wanted instant healing. That Monday, I couldn’t take another second or wait for my scheduled scope so I was rushed to my doctors office for an emergency scope. 

I’ve been through this scope business many times so it was nothing new. I just wanted to get it over with and hear that we just needed to tweak a little bit of my medication and things will be great! Well, after I got up from my “nap” my doctor came to my recovery bed and told me the following: ” 1. thankfully, nothing got worse in that it didn’t spread but it is highly inflamed. 2. due to the nature of this disease, your medications that you were on have stopped working and we need to go to the next level which is IV infusion, Remicade”. I just remember hearing those words “IV” and I started balling like a baby. Why, God? Why? The one thing I never wanted to hear were those 2 letters. I was terrified, I didn’t once again know what this meant for my future and health as a whole. I wasn’t prepared for this phase in my life. It was yet another thing in my life that I had to adjust to and forcefully accept. But, I prayed whole-heartily to God for His protection and guidance up until my first appointment with my out-patient clinic of where I would receive my infusions. I was put back on steroids right after my scope. But back to the day I had my first infusion. I cried the whole ride, when I met my new doctor, getting prepped and sitting in my chair as the nurse got me ready for my 2 and half hour infusion. I just cried. This was SO new to me and my world. I didn’t get it but knew I wanted to get better. So February was my first infusion, another 2 weeks after that and then every 6 weeks from there. By my 3rd infusion, I was getting use to it and a month or so in I was getting back to me and getting better thank God! So, the once every 6 weeks for 2 and half hours was perfectly fine with me.

Just to give you an idea of how it would work, I typically had my infusions on a Friday, my clinic was about an hour and 15 mins away from where I live. My mom or Mikey would take me as I was not allowed to drive due to Benadryl that I took every infusion. Once I got there, it was more or less a whole day affair, I would check-in. A tech nurse would come take blood work from me. I would wait in another area for another nurse to call me to take my vitals. Go back and wait again to be placed into a room to meet with my doctor to go over anything that needed to be discussed. Go back to the wait room to wait for a chair to empty. Once a chair would empty, I would get called in by another nurse who would situate me and prepare my IV. Lucky, for me I was a hard prick which would always make me anxious. No matter how much water I drank or the hot bag they placed on my hand it was a mission to get a vein. Most days they would find one while other days they pricked me 2-3 times and I would cry from pain…despite all that I had to remember how good God was to me. I was among many patients who suffered from cancer, they were also there to receive their chemo. As I would look around the room, I just saw these incredibly brave humans who never once complained. Most of them would have smiles on their face and make the best out of their situation. They truly put me to shame, as I would cry over my situation and they had it worse. I typically hate comparing but this experience truly humbled me and reminded me at times how God was always with me and reminding me of my blessings.

One particular day of getting my infusion, I sat next to this lady who seemed to be in her late 30’s, a nurse herself, and it was her last day of chemo. I was blessed to have had the chance to sit next to her as I learned so much from her in my 2 and half hour of infusions. Her outlook on her life was amazing! She would never complain but take the bad and make it good. She would tell me that there was no need to be depressed, this is her life and all she can do is make the best out of it. As she continued to talk about her positive outlook and all that she went through and even more how excited she was that it was her last day of chemo, all I can think of was I want to have her attitude. I want to have her outlook on life because that is half of the healing process, positive attitude. She is someone I always think about among many other people like my Dad and a very close family friend now my angel as well, Taunt Seham. They all took their crosses and medical conditions with such grace and strength. I’m also convinced God made me to always worry and cry lol I am the biggest baby and worrier but that’s ok, it’s me. I just have to always remember to stay faithful and positive. Through out my journey, God has NEVER left me.

I had a big trip to Israel and Egypt in December for 3 weeks with Mikey, my mom, people from church and my in-laws. I did my infusion end of November and also had a scheduled scope once I came back in January to see how my colon was responding to Remicade. I felt good overall and was looking forward to this vacation of a lifetime. Granted, I’ve been to Egypt so many times, but never Israel. I was excited to experience it with my husband and mom but sad at the same time as my Dad always wanted to go. But, that didn’t stop me from bringing him along with me. I brought a picture of him and I and would take a picture of the picture in the places we visited for memories. The trip started off well until 3 days into our trip, I noticed blood.

My angel and I- Love you, Dad!

And the story doesn’t end there, to be continued…

xoxo

 

Sunday Funday

LV Exhibit

Great company. Great Time. Great Food. Great Night!

Sunday Funday, that is exactly how my day was this past Sunday. It started off by my husband and I attending liturgy as we do most Sunday’s (I say most because I’m guilty at times allowing sleep take over–need to get better at that). We than grabbed coffee with our very good friends, Maryann & Steve and their adorable daughter whom we love as our own. We went to a local Starbucks, granted I didn’t have coffee (surprisingly because I LOVE COFFEE) as the ones I like the most are filled with alot of artificial syrups that I feel may upset my stoma so I opted for a warm chocolate croissant–yum! Anywho, we had a great time just being with each other. You ever have those really great friends that know everything and anything about you? That’s them, they are more like family so when we hang out (which is often) it’s more of just being with each other that makes the time enjoyable. We are definitely blessed to have their friendship. Maryann, is truly my best friend and sister that was brought into my life about 8 years ago and since than we have gotten closer every minute. I truly cherish our sisterhood and admire the beautiful wife, mom, sister, and friend she is. Love her.

Mr. LV

After our coffee date, we went home to change for our next part of the day–NYC. My amazing hubby, who is very savvy with finding fun and free activities to do, found an awesome event that he knew would be close to my heart– Louis Vuitton exhibit! Um, yes and thank you! We were able to get 5 tickets so we invited 3 of our close friends we knew appreciate fashion just as much as we or should I say I do, haha (JK, my boo got swag). We all drove into the city together, as we got closer to where the event was we saw this massive LONG line. So, I thought, well since we have tickets, we are good, we for sure don’t have to wait on that long line. Welp, I was clearly wrong, because everyone had tickets (UGH!). It was suppose to be a 20-25 minute wait but that was far from the truth because it took an hour, thankfully it wasn’t TOO cold outside and the great company made the time go by fast. I personally love fashion events as I get to people watch others style and mentally/verbally critique them. My super close friend Monica and I, were having our own “Fashion Police” show. I love Monica besides the obvious fact we share the same name, both have fathers who were priests and now our personal angels, both LOVE fashion. While Mon is more minimalist chic with a head of defined long beautiful curls (super jelly of her head full of curls) I on the other hand dab into many fashion titles for the most part yet we have a common ground of love for fashion and love for each other. She truly came into my life at such a perfect time, I’m super blessed for our sisterhood! Than we had the amazing photographer (check him out on insta: @shadi_b) and comedian, Shadi who just got married and now lives in Dubai–boo! Shadi, is that person who would do anything for you and SO giving. He was here for the week shooting a wedding and so happy he was because he had us dying of laughter-always a great time with him. Last but certainly not least my brother from another mother, Fam. Our friendship goes way back and has grown closer each year. A man of few words but with a killer heart and fashion swag. And than the obvious my handsome, caring, amazing, one-of-a-kind, Mikey. I just love this man to pieces! Always putting me first- can’t thank him enough for all he does for me.

We FINALLY get into the exhibit. From start to finish, it was AMAZINGLY executed! I would totally go back. I learned so much about Mr.LV and the birth of LV as a whole. We got to see firsthand hand-made products he personally did to today’s items. If you ask me, I so wish I lived in the time trunks were used as luggage’s–that era and the LV products just had this regal and classy feeling. I literally wanted everything (no surprise there). It felt so good to be out of my medical head/worry and into my world of fashion aka my passion. To roam the rooms and just glow of awe and fascination of the art and detailed work that went into all his craftsmanship, it was honestly breathtaking. To hear about some of the materials that were used in his bags and clothes brought me back to my fabric class and that led me to being in remission which led me to wishing sometimes I was there again. I guess my mind led to all that because I was wearing a pair of camo pants from Zara and they are meant to be super form fitting so as a result it was a bit snug around my stoma area which annoyed me especially since it was sightly ballooning (when it blows like a ballon due to gas passing) and I had alot of output which I typically do during the evening. The things I do for fashion…I also don’t want this bag to be my life, I just want it part of my life so, I refused to change before we left knowing that it was too tight. Lucky for me, I had a long jacket so towards the end of the night (unwillingly) I had to unzip and keep it unzipped til I got home, just being honest (life of an ostomy bag vs. fashion clothes). We then went out to eat (I unzipped after dinner, so got a good run with my pants) at a pretty good American restaurant called The Malt House. I ate mac-n-cheese with grilled chicken. It was pretty good- funny thing is with an ostomy you have to CHEW your food ALOT, mashed potatoes consistency before swallowing so as a result, I am now a slow eater which anyone that knows me, knows I never ever was lol and I get very full quicker (make sense) so I can never finish my food or make a dent in it.

At dinner

Our night ended by searching high and low for a dessert place that was open, so much for the “city that never sleeps” my butt! lol Needless to say, I remembered Insomnia Cookies is open until 3am but before that we went to check out the Oculus which was my first time to ever see it. It was amazing- the exterior alone is phenomenal, well detailed, and such a show-stopper. Inside, is all white with tons of shops but of course they were all closed. We headed to get some cookies and drove back home. As per usual, our car ride was filled with laughter (more delirium as we were all crashing aka old farts lol).

More from the LV exhibit-want that dress!

I overall, had such a great day. A day free of ostomy worries. A day free of medical talk. A day free of always wondering about my future. It was a day to just finally enjoy life and friendships. To enjoy the little things I love: company, fashion, food. God allowed me to see beyond my illness and ostomy bag. He reminded me how blessed I am with the beautiful life He has made for me. To celebrate it with the ones I love most. It’s not easy some days but days like these make all my worries subside and focus on the good times. As much as I hate my ostomy bags at times, I constantly have to remind myself that it did give me a 2nd chance to enjoy life. So, thank you God for constantly holding my hands through life.

This is my fellow Mon, my beautiful head full of curls sister.

Life is beautiful, it just takes sometime to realize it.

Remission

5 whole wonderful years…

As stated before it took me about a year from when I was first diagnosed to get into remission (2010-2011). But once I was, I was in it for 5 years. Those 5 years were amazing! I was pain free, bathroom (for hours) free, blood free, and strict diet free. I slowly got back into my pre-UC life meaning, my social and emotional state was at its highest peak of enjoyment.

I accomplished many things during these 5 years. I was able to eat some of my favorite things again such as salad and coffee. To many people that may seem so mundane but to me, a person who was restricted from it, was a glorious moment. I still remember the day of introducing salad again:) Another big achievement was I graduated with my BSW (Social Work) degree. This was huge because during my last year of college is when I was coping with my UC symptoms which were not easy to deal with plus college. However, I did it and made it on the deans list–woohoo!!

I was able to live my life again with no worries. I vacationed, planned and helped with my sissy’s wedding which was huge for me. I say that besides the obvious fact of it being MY sisters wedding but when she got engaged, I was in the process of trying to get into remission so, unfortunately I wasn’t completely present as far as my physical health taking a toll on me. So, to plan my sister’s bachelorette, shower, and just be there every step of the way for her big day meant the world to me. She did SO much for me during my difficult year so this was my way of showering her with all my love. Moreover, to be able to dance the night away on her big day (running joke is that it was really our wedding day haha) was everything! Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love dancing!

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During the summer of 2011, I met the love of my life, Mikey. We began our love journey in the summer of 2011 (right before I was about to move out to California-great timing I know lol). He was everything I always wished to have and prayed to God for; patience, loving, understanding, caring, hard-working, Godfearing, servant, fun, and handsome😊. However, I who has never been in a relationship was scared so granted we both liked each other, Ikept him in the “friend zone” (crazy me). But the amazing part was his determination to show me how much he will wait untilI’mready for the next step (um hello, amazing much?!? YES!). Long story short, I moved to Cali to peruse my fashion dreams on September 11, 2011 (who can ever forget that date). I went to FIDM where I received my Professional Designation degree in Merchandise Product Developmenta year later. Moving was not as easy as I thought as I wanted to move back home the first week I was there! But, my amazing mom who bent over backwards to make my dreams happen thankfully pushed me to stay (I also had no choice lol but wouldn’t change the experience at all) and stayed with me 80% of the time! Like again I’m reminded of how incredibly blessed I was and still am to have this mother whom I call my personal super hero! She’s so selfless and always putting me first–I love you SO much! Now back to the “love story” haha. Mikey, who just landed a job out of college and despite my uncertainty with taking the next steps decided he was going to come out for a week in my first week there to help me move and celebrate my birthday! I can’t even handle. At that point I was reminded again of how blessed I am and moreover that he is definitely a keeper! I would be one lucky girl to call him mine. And so the night before my birthday I wrote him a card (since I was too shy to vocalize it) saying: ” I would love to be your girlfriend”. His reaction was priceless. And from that day on until May 31,2014 when we got married, we we’re inseparable as he would visit me constantly. He motivated me, uplifted me, and smothered me with genuine love that I so cherish until today. May 31, 2014 was one of the best days of my life! I married the one who didn’t give up on me, stood by my side, dealt with my craziness, and taught me how to get closer to God. Our honeymoon was absolutely amazing! We went to Santorini, Cinque Terre, & Venice–we truly had the best time filled with unforgettable memories. In our first year of marriage we learned so much about each other especially our love to travel & try new breakfast spots. We made this home our home. Celebrated our one year in Mallorca, Nice, & Paris. Overall, we conquered our first year with lessons that made us stronger. I was reminded how blessed I was to have, Mikey as the one I call mine. I love you to the moon and back! So that was a little glimpse of my special highlights of my 5 years in remission with medications (that I have mentioned in prior blogs), 2011-2015. And then, 2016 came along…Xoxo

Happy 1 Month🎈

Can’t believe it’s been one month since my ileostomy surgery! 

Had to celebrate! Happy one month to Mr. Safety & me ♥️

Here is what I’ve learned:

1. It’s ok to be scared. I was terrified when I heard I had to do surgery, 3 at that. It’s not what I envisioned my life to be. 
2. I was so clueless about the process and uneducated about it all. 
3. They say don’t read up but READ everything you can. I didn’t want to wake up from surgery and be shocked from the aftermath. So, I read other people’s experience to prepare myself. It helped a lot. 
4. No matter how prepared you are, it’s still not easy. 
5. Prayer is key! I had my daily saints and angel(Dad) that I would pray to for months prior to all this to ask for their support and protection. 
6. Having faith even the size of a mustard seed, comes a long way. Believing that God truly knows what is best for you and your future. 
7. Crying is a form of strength. I cried everyday. And I still cry:)
8. I’m not alone. It was so refreshing to read other bloggers and follow others on instagram whom have also gone through all this. I even joined a support group on FB that has helped a lot! Connect, connect, connect. 
9. You have to be your biggest advocate. Something I’ve learned from day 1 of embarking on my UC journey. Don’t wait for them, you have to know and learn what your body needs.
10. Ask, ask, ask. There is no such thing as a silly question! Never feel bad for asking a lot of questions. 
11. You’re going to get frustrated through this journey. And that’s OK! No one can tell you how to deal with it. 
12. Express your emotions any which way you please just allow your end result to be positive. 
13. It’s ok to be negative–but allow it to be a short term emotion. 
14. Attitude heals the process of accepting & recovering. 
15. Surround yourself with uplifting, loving, supportive people. I’ve been beyond blessed to have my amazing angel, husband, mom, sister and close family and friends throughout this journey. I’m so incredibly blessed! 
16. Yes, it’s hard for me but I can’t forget it’s hard for the ones closest to me. Remember to acknowledge their pain too. 
17. To give myself credit. I didn’t just have my tonsils removed-I had an intense-life changing surgery. Allow myself to recovery and take me time. 
18. Listen to your body. Recovery phase isn’t easy and you feel like you’re going to lose it but it gets better every week, promise!
19. To enjoy life, I’ve been given a 2nd chance to do just that! 
20. I no longer have the fear of needing the bathroom!! Ahh that feels amazing:)
21. UC pain—bye, bye, bye!
22. No colon, but I’m still rollin. 
23. Learning to deal with an ostomy bag is hard and very overwhelming–but you got this! It took me until today to confidently do it on my own with no fears. Yay! 
24. Ostomy bag is a lot of maintenance but it outweighs the pain, screams, hours on the bathroom, and high anxiety. 
25. I still have anxiety and probably always will and that’s ok. I do what I need to do to deal with it. 
26. Be proud of you!
27. This is my cross and although it’s hard at times I’m thankful for it. I wouldn’t change it for the world. 
28. Don’t be scared to try foods you’ve missed. Chew, chew, chew!
29. I made it to a month! Celebrate. 
30. Live life to the fullest. Make it part of your life not your life. 
31. God made me beautifully made: inside and out. And I love all my imperfections. 
32. This journey has taught me ALOT about myself. That I am passionate about bringing awareness, educating, sharing my journey and helping others in the process. 

Thank you to my amazing husband, your patience, care, and love has helped me conquer my difficult days. Thank you, mom for putting me first, for keeping me strong in my faith, for reminding me of Gods love. Thank you, sissy for always being a phone call away, for being my voice of reasoning, you make my dark days sunny. Thank you to all of YOU who have supported my blog, visited me, text, called, sent me beautiful gifts, supported my passion and journey, and have personally shared with me their own struggles. Lastly, thank you Dad, my love and my angel for staying by my side through all this. For showing me that you have never left me—I miss you and love you deeply. 

Just a small glimpse of my squad when preparing to change my bag.

Excited to announce that my phase 2 surgery is April 12, God willing! 

Xoxo