You wrecked me, rectum. Now it’s time to have you out!
So, many of you may not know this, but, my rectum is also diseased and still inflamed. Typically when you have UC, it effects your large colon as well as your rectum. Again, everyone is different. When I had my first surgery, an ileostomy, my surgeon told me he would try to remove both my colon and rectum but all depends on how bad both are. Well, my colon was falling apart my first surgery so it wasn’t possible to remove my rectum at the same time. The last 7 months, I’ve still been bleeding from my rectum which is normal since it is still intact. However, the pain is not nearly anywhere it was when I had my colon. It just a bit of discomfort with a little pressure. Well, my rectum of 31 years will be out of me May 1st, God willing-see ya never!
May 1st, is my 2nd major surgery, a loop ileostomy. This surgery, I will have to get cut rather than laparoscopic like I had for my first surgery. The reason my surgeon prefers cutting me for this surgery is because he is doing 3 things: 1. removing my rectum 2. creating my J Pouch (which is elongating my small intestine & bringing it to my anus) 3. doing all those, he is getting close to my reproductive system so therefore, he wants to make sure he is very diligent and precised with doing this whole operation. I will get into my surgery more in depth in another post. Alot of things are occurring but oddly enough I am not as anxious as I clearly was for my first surgery. Don’t get me wrong, I am still anxious but excited to get phase 2 done & over with, God willing. It’s so crazy to sometimes think 2 major organs ( I think a rectum is an organ? Right?) that have been a part of my life for 31 years will no longer be in my future. Yes, I know it’s not a human, trust me I know what the pain of losing a loved one feels like but this in a sense is a different “loss”. It was there when I was born, lost my first tooth, celebrated my birthdays, graduated HS & College, went through the pain of losing my father, moved to LA and got married with these 2 organs and much more. In a sense it’s bittersweet and sad to let go of what has given me so much pain yet played a huge role in my digestive system.
As I sit here writing this blog, I can’t help to think where I am in life. Life is so unpredictable as it is meant to be. God’s plans for me are set in stones, I am just here to do my best to turn each page to my story of: Life. But, I still can’t help at times to think about my journey from a baby to now. I always say, I’m naive. I never in a million years thought I would lose my father at 22, despite how sick he always was. I just always thought, he will bounce right back and come back home and we as a family will look past these days. Same with my health, I always thought after losing my father, that was my only cross but than getting UC I thought “ok, I found medication that works, I will be good for life”. But, as I turned the pages of my life, I learn each day that my endings aren’t God’s plans. I would lie and say I wish sometimes He let me choose my paths not because I don’t trust Him but because the pain becomes too much to handle. Losing my father & dealing with my autoimmune disease are major struggles that are sometimes hard to face.
I am learning daily God’s amazing plan for me and my future. One that is filled with blessings in disguise. Every time life gets too heavy for me to push through, He literally comes to my aide to assistant me and show me He will never leave me. Again, it’s not that I don’t trust Him, I truly do. But, between my anxiety & always falling back to thinking of life pre losing my dad & UC, I sometimes just daydream of wishing. But, than I snap back and remember, I wouldn’t change my medical journey for anything as it has brought me so much passion and joy to advocate, educate, and shed light for others to know and learn. But, sorry God I can’t say the same for losing my Dad, kinda want him back. I’ll always yearn for my sweet dad. Especially with all I have been going through, having his words, hugs, and smile for comfort is deeply missed and needed.
Anyway, this is a “see you never” rectum. You were good to me for a good deal of my life. It’s not your fault we couldn’t stay together. We tired but God had better plans for me that doesn’t involve you anymore. You’ve taught me alot, besides being painful (lol), you taught me how to lean more on God, that I am stronger than I think, and that I have the best love & support squad ever! I’ll miss you but I am ready to move on from you…sorry, not sorry:)
See you on the flip side!